*Tennessee Williams once wrote;
"When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
* press buttons to view *
Thursday, May 18, 2006
advancement in the communicative technology>
lala...
2 down...few more to go.
AFter tomorrow's maths...it'd be piece of cake. Zz..yaright. lol
THe topic i chose for my english essay was
'advancement in the communicative technology has endangered modern society to communicate less"
If communication is defined as keeping in touch with one another, clearly that statement is false.
But, if communication is defined as TALKING with one another, then maybe that statement might have a little truth in it.
For example, i'd so rather sms or chat online than use the phone.
ANYWAY, i used to be online freak. Day and night, without fail. Online...online..online.
but this few weeks, being online just irritates me. exam stress? Hah.
***********
After exams, jolene promised to teach me how to make a proper nice looking blog. :)
Weee...can't wait...to see hEr and my cool looking blog.
**********
i need a new hobby. i need to learn something new.
i've gotten hooked to making earrings and necklaces. I should be! after paying RM300++ for 8 lessons of "basic beading".
At least now when i go shopping, and when i see some gorgeous looking necklace that is way overpriced, and when i say my favourite verse" WAH, i Also can do lah!", this time i really CAN do it. lol.
But classes just ended yesterday. The only 2 students in the class were called graduates. :)
So, now...i have nothing to learn.
**********
back to maths now. *gulps*
wishes and dreams>
i forgot how much i wanted to study in UK, in LSe specifically....until now.
I always wanted to go to UK because it sounds damn posh. LSE.. why? because its the only well known uni that i know. lol. But anyway, back to the point.
A levels are ending, november's coming, loads of people are off to London and US and all.
and i'm stuck with new zealand, the Baa-bAa land.
I wonder what will i be, who will i be, who will my friends be, what my life would be if i was still studying Alevels. Would my life still be the same?
i still remember how i hoped for the scholarship because it would make my parents real happy. ANd when i got the letter, i was filled with joy but obviously i acted all cool and stuff. Well, the joy didn't really last for long.
As i continue to read the letter, well, i saw the venue and it said KDU. For one, i remembered myself vowing that i would NEVER step inside that place. ironic.
Then, i saw place of uni. : NEW ZEALAND. Gosh, my heart dropped.
*flashback*
a few years back, when lord of the rings came out, i always told my parents i'll be going to NZ to study. WHY? because the scenery lah..blablabla. But thats when i was all naive and stupid and stuff.
*back to now*
But now, i really got the land of bAa-bAa. ANd i was fretting about how i wanted UK. Then my dad was like...you were wishing for NZ all the long wat. So God answer ur prayers."
Zzz.....
thought me one thing alright, be careful what you wish for, it just might come true. lala.
So see. Now i'm off the baa-baa land, land of boredom, kingdom and football and booze.
and my friends are all off the UK, the land of happening stuff, the kingdom of malls, the paradise that does not sleep and most of all....THE LAND WITH SNOW.
Sniff...i always wanted to go and study in somewhere with the 4 seasons. LIke seriously 4 seasons. Hmph. SNOW is a requirement in winter...if not its just...freakin cold weather. blek.
Anyhow, i'm still wondering what will become of me if i had still continued my Alevels and actually got in some UK uni. That'd be nice.
On the other hand, i'm also wondering how my life will be now that i'm going to new zealand, a tiny island. MAybe i have greater stuff awaiting me there. i'll just have to wait and see and obviously be thankful that i can go overseas, which was my main wish afterall.
i wish for SnoW.... lets see this come true.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
heartbeat rate: gradually increasing>
Its amazing how i've been so looking forward to the end of exams, that i forgot about exams itself.
The last time i counted down it was 18 days. And now theres only 9 days left.
*joy*
Heck...9 days is towards my freedom, minus all the hardwork, pain and torture i have to go through for the next 8 days. A.K.A exam week.
meaning, i have 1 more day to prepare before the dreaded but yet somehow ironically long awaited week. 1 more day only. Gosh...then my KDU life will be over. at least technically.
Anyway, i hate being scared before exams. Makes my head messed up. Makes me not able to write properly because my hands get all cold and stuff. And that does not help since final papers all require speed because the examiners somehow wants to make us write FreakiNG lots of LONG answers in a very short time period.
lalala. Seriously, i can feel the pressure. The pressure of sitting for my finals. The pressure of getting good results. The pressure of being kiasu.
The pressure from myself.
So, pressure aside. Lets think happy thoughts. So we shall head over to my happy place. :)
After exAMs! it will be a joy and my heart will be light and free as a butterfly!
So gonna eat my aglio olio pasta, eat my dominos, pierce my ear, cut my hair, watch my movies, buy my clothes, make my accesories, make my sushi, try my best to exercise, go on my roadtrip, eat my chicken rice ball, drive to KL, holiday to UK and of course find my job.
Its gonna be a blASt! can't wait.
"Lord give me strength. To study and to wait."
Wee...i satisfied another craving today. :)
went to Atria and bought myself a CD.
snow patrol's eyes open. Its definitely music to my ears. Literally. lovin' it.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
the one who got away.>
currently playing: Rosie Thomas - let myself fall
Exams are near.
Don't get distracted.
18 more days.
and i can dream all i want.
play all i want.
sleep all i want.
no stress. no fear.
This is the final step. The final hurdle. The final straw.
"Do not give up," says the voice inside my head.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
procrastinating is my job>
The world is asleep, or at least those people who are in my always-talk-to list are offline. blueaks.
and i'm left here all alone to study.
i've always thought i only thing i was good at was at studying..and getting good grades.
but i don't think that's what i'm good at anymore.
i'm not good with studying. i can't study for more than 10 minutes. I can't study without touching the computer. i can't study in my room because i'll just dose off. i can't study...
i just can't.
and thats not good because my finals are in like 2 weeks.
my trials are next week.
and i've barely started. and even if i have...i can't remember a single thing.
seriously..i'm in deep shit.
my aim for getting a high gpa of 9.5...is so not going to come true if i continue like this.
and its no help that all my friends are done with their exams and off to a wonderful fun holiday without me! Its no help that there are parties i can't attend and movies i can't watch!
so much for being good at studying.
and now...i'm left with nothing.
the thought of not being good at anything.
i'm back to square one.
currently listening: The Fray - look after you
goodnight world.
editted: right after i sent this post...people from my other list starts talking to me! wee...i guess god answered my prayers. i don't know how being online and talking to me is gonna help me study, but at least i'm not alone! hehe- nights again
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
sneaks you away>
funerals... corpse...tears...sadness...
i seriously don't care.
people die. people live.
Some live longer. some live shorter.
i think i'm evil. i deserve to die. i wish i died sometimes.
like getting shot in the arm, getting shot in the chest..dying a slow and painful death. why? so that i can look around this world and know that the pain i feel will finally end all pain.
but heck..i'm not ready to die.
death...funerals...they suck. why? is it because ur loved one died? well, for some others yes..its a sad sad occasion. For me, yeah, its sad and all...but i don't feel what they feel..i can't. instead them feeling all sappy and sad just makes me pissed off and angry! Going for funerals are a waste of time. especially when i don't feel a need to go and its just out of respect.
Do i love him? well..yes..i think he's nice and all...but do i feel their pain? i don't think so. so yeah, feeling pissed off and angry at a funeral ain't that pleasing to others. especially when i'm giving out those little sweets to people. They look at me with that look which i know they're thinking what an unsympathetic girl...tsktsk...well i'm thinking " thanks for helping, here have a sweet...*throws it in their face*" its a only a thought.
then, you have those family who's all sad and sAD about their loss..and you know they're sad. But they make up all this stupid stupid stories...superstitious even to make them feel better. to make them feel as if all the years of neglecting someone is enough just because they were there to take of him days before he's gone. Right..that makes everything better. right. keep telling yourself that.
i know i'm evil and all..which makes me more pissed at myself..its like seriously...how horrible can i get. i wasn't thought to think that way. Is it a sin? i think so...terrible.
i guess i am kinda sad that he hAd to go especially since i always thought he'd be the one to live till at least a ripe old age of 90 years old. I guess people still surprises you..even near death. Its sad because he was getting well..he was getting better and all..and one day...he's gone. not that i'm any close to him but still...any bitch would also feel something.
when people start saying sorry for your loss..i heard what happened, sorry...hey, how you feeling...well....i don't know what to say.
maybe next time when i really attend a funeral and my heart's there...ask me the question again..and i'll let you know. see if i really have a heart.
************
exam's coming up. in 3 weeks.
i'm not ready..no i'm not. definitely not. especially with family's tragedy at the PERFECT timing and all.
loads of assignments piling up since people like me never know how to arrange my time properly. instead i spend time online..chatting blogging d/ling songs. really waste of time.
people who don't know i have exams and even if they know are no help at all.
freakin out cuz as my dad says " this is your final stepping stone...after getting great results..you can choose anywhere you want..then you can do whatever you want" which is really true..but freaks me out more cuz i didn't get the target i want.
teachers who are no help.
friends who are all in uni and prob have gone through this feeling b4..but they had friends to go through it with them...now they're all rambling about uni exams..and i'm still in college with fear of not being able to enter the uni i want.
people whom i tell i need to study and tells me i'm smart enough and need not study.
and me...whom just keeps talking and talking but never bothers to do anything. The more i talk...the more i freak out. hah...irony in life.
and the moments i want to study..i feel sleepy..the time i really want to study..stuff happens...the time i want to sleep..i want to study.
owell..life goes on. that's what i keep telling myself.
cheers to a crappy yet happy day.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
hop hop hop!>
tiring tiring day.
somebody once said, "shopping is evil" and i fear that person is right. haha!
I went to FOS recently and they sold this skirts for RM23.90. SUPER BARGAIN man!
i found this white skirt that i loved. IT was white with a few holes. haha..super nice wei. People like me who don't wear skirt also want to buy, means its damn nice man.
Well, i was gonna buy it when i realise there was an extra hole at a bad place. HAhaa..so i couldn't get it. In the end, i couldn't stop thinking about the skirt.
THe next day, i skipped class to go to ...ahem...
1) the curve
2)Ikano
3)Giant, KJ
4) Mid valley
5) Pyramid....
Yes, 5 places in ...5 hours. HAhaa...crazy right? Waste of time, waste of petrol, waste of money..in the end...no skirt.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, i went to KL today. Which is Time square and sg wang. but ofcourse, my bad luck was still upon me. No skirt.
But instead i came back with my favourite korean drama--- stairway to heaven for RM99.
as he said, shopping IS evil. hahaaa
owell, i'm still not giving up on the skirt. When i'm free i'm going to bangsar village and... putrajaya? hAHAHhahahaah
ps: thanks to vian for being my faithful skirt finding partner! hAHa..muakz
**************
By the way, i watched underworld 2.
Kate beckinsale is HOT man. Just plain HOT!
The show was cool, gory at the right moments...just perfect.
Although a gory and rather serious movie...we obviously laughed through the movie. hAha...
sorry to those in the same cinema as us.
The way she handled her gun...WAHHHhhhh...
shine>
Shine
Get up, get out, get out, get out and lift your head,
Come on, come on, get up out of bed,
Today's the day you hold the world with your song.
Go now, go now, go now, help escalate.
Angels come down, help with this parade.
To hear your voice ring out,
Come on and shout it,
Let your song be heard.
This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world will stop to watch you shine.
Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now sing your hymn,
This is the new national anthem,
We will all stand on guard to let you be heard.
Let go, let go, let go all that can ask,
How beautiful this world has become,
Now everyone will see what I believe,
That these words should be sung.
This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world will stop to watch you shine.
This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world believes that you will shine.
And if you fall,
And if you fall,
And if you trust and,
Yes it will come true.
Hey, hey
Yeah.
This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world will stop to watch you shine.
This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
When all the world will stop to watch you shine.
****
I'm so happy. I've been hearing this song in the radio for a damn long time but the stupid useless dj nvr seem to give the name of this song. Finally today, after searching high and low in the internet i typed the magic words in the search field.
"hey now, hey now + watch me shine lyrics"
and i found it! YAY! BRAVO for the internet! hahaa...
enjoy people.
Shannon Noll - shine.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
happily ever after>
To think that "happily ever after" is only found in fairy tales.
Thats not true. Happily ever after exists in this world too. Why do i say that? Because i see many new married couples in church that are so loving and sweet.
My care group leader finally got married on Saturday. It was the greatest and happiest occasion i've ever been to. A marriage is definitely an occasion one must go for. Its so great to see her find someone to be with. To see her walk down the aisle in her beautiful wedding dress, looking gorgeous, walking down to her life as a married woman. To see her smiling yet nervous and excited face under the veil, walking...more like gliding...towards the man of her dreams. It was something so touching, that just seeing her happy, make me cry tears of joy. at least i nearly did. ;)
On that day, i got to put on a cheongsam for the morning ceremony and a green dress for the night's dinner. 2 things i've never ever wore before! I also wore HIGH HIGH heels for at least 10 hours that day and surprisingly my foot didn't hurt!! i love my new green wedges! I served food and at night i ushered! It was great to be involved in my friend's wedding!
Her smiling face was enough to make me so happy. More like THEIR smiling faces. YAMMMM SEEENNGGGG!!! Congrats to you happily married couple. Muaks!
That day made me think of my own wedding. We all talked among ourselves about how our dream wedding would be like. And we talked also about which role we would get in each other's wedding. ;) Now i know i'll definitely be a bridesmaid and probably a wedding coordinator at least once in my life. haha.
My wedding will be the greatest day of my life. It'll be the day all my dreams come true, where my one true love and i will be united. hehe. *dreamy eyes*
The highlight of what we talked about, my dream wedding:
The end we both would get in to this either a mini cooper convertible or some very old school car with those big steering wheels with the roof opened of course. Then, the driver would drive us away leaving us 2 married lovebirds finally away from the crowd. We would then make out in the backseat and be proud to be married! MUahahhahaha!!! (who cares if people see and talk behind our backs about being obscene in public?! thats the whole point! to show off that we're married! haha)
Then, when we reach our new double storey home with a huge front lawn and a nice big fat labrador or golden retriever, my newly wed husband will carry me down from the cute car and whisper in my ears, " i love you honey and the car is yours" MUAHhahahaah...
i not only get a new husband, i get the car of my dreams! hAHAHahah
thats the highlight of my side of the story. HAhahaa....so greedy! hor?
Owell, if i were to list down all my dreams and wishes to be married...i'd go on and on and you'd be bored. HAhaa...after all it is my ambition since i was 5, ithink.
nights human and sleep tight.
Hope your fairytale dream comes true.