Polaroid

advancement in the communicative technology

2006-05-18T23:05:00.000-07:00

lala...

2 down...few more to go.

AFter tomorrow's maths...it'd be piece of cake. Zz..yaright. lol

THe topic i chose for my english essay was
'advancement in the communicative technology has endangered modern society to communicate less"

If communication is defined as keeping in touch with one another, clearly that statement is false.
But, if communication is defined as TALKING with one another, then maybe that statement might have a little truth in it.
For example, i'd so rather sms or chat online than use the phone.

ANYWAY, i used to be online freak. Day and night, without fail. Online...online..online.

but this few weeks, being online just irritates me. exam stress? Hah.

***********

After exams, jolene promised to teach me how to make a proper nice looking blog. :)
Weee...can't wait...to see hEr and my cool looking blog.

**********
i need a new hobby. i need to learn something new.
i've gotten hooked to making earrings and necklaces. I should be! after paying RM300++ for 8 lessons of "basic beading".

At least now when i go shopping, and when i see some gorgeous looking necklace that is way overpriced, and when i say my favourite verse" WAH, i Also can do lah!", this time i really CAN do it. lol.

But classes just ended yesterday. The only 2 students in the class were called graduates. :)

So, now...i have nothing to learn.

**********

back to maths now. *gulps*

wishes and dreams

2006-05-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

i forgot how much i wanted to study in UK, in LSe specifically....until now.

I always wanted to go to UK because it sounds damn posh. LSE.. why? because its the only well known uni that i know. lol. But anyway, back to the point.

A levels are ending, november's coming, loads of people are off to London and US and all.

and i'm stuck with new zealand, the Baa-bAa land.

I wonder what will i be, who will i be, who will my friends be, what my life would be if i was still studying Alevels. Would my life still be the same?

i still remember how i hoped for the scholarship because it would make my parents real happy. ANd when i got the letter, i was filled with joy but obviously i acted all cool and stuff. Well, the joy didn't really last for long.

As i continue to read the letter, well, i saw the venue and it said KDU. For one, i remembered myself vowing that i would NEVER step inside that place. ironic.
Then, i saw place of uni. : NEW ZEALAND. Gosh, my heart dropped.

*flashback*
a few years back, when lord of the rings came out, i always told my parents i'll be going to NZ to study. WHY? because the scenery lah..blablabla. But thats when i was all naive and stupid and stuff.

*back to now*
But now, i really got the land of bAa-bAa. ANd i was fretting about how i wanted UK. Then my dad was like...you were wishing for NZ all the long wat. So God answer ur prayers."
Zzz.....

thought me one thing alright, be careful what you wish for, it just might come true. lala.

So see. Now i'm off the baa-baa land, land of boredom, kingdom and football and booze.
and my friends are all off the UK, the land of happening stuff, the kingdom of malls, the paradise that does not sleep and most of all....THE LAND WITH SNOW.
Sniff...i always wanted to go and study in somewhere with the 4 seasons. LIke seriously 4 seasons. Hmph. SNOW is a requirement in winter...if not its just...freakin cold weather. blek.

Anyhow, i'm still wondering what will become of me if i had still continued my Alevels and actually got in some UK uni. That'd be nice.

On the other hand, i'm also wondering how my life will be now that i'm going to new zealand, a tiny island. MAybe i have greater stuff awaiting me there. i'll just have to wait and see and obviously be thankful that i can go overseas, which was my main wish afterall.

i wish for SnoW.... lets see this come true.

heartbeat rate: gradually increasing

2006-05-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how i've been so looking forward to the end of exams, that i forgot about exams itself.

The last time i counted down it was 18 days. And now theres only 9 days left.

*joy*

Heck...9 days is towards my freedom, minus all the hardwork, pain and torture i have to go through for the next 8 days. A.K.A exam week.

meaning, i have 1 more day to prepare before the dreaded but yet somehow ironically long awaited week. 1 more day only. Gosh...then my KDU life will be over. at least technically.

Anyway, i hate being scared before exams. Makes my head messed up. Makes me not able to write properly because my hands get all cold and stuff. And that does not help since final papers all require speed because the examiners somehow wants to make us write FreakiNG lots of LONG answers in a very short time period.

lalala. Seriously, i can feel the pressure. The pressure of sitting for my finals. The pressure of getting good results. The pressure of being kiasu.
The pressure from myself.

So, pressure aside. Lets think happy thoughts. So we shall head over to my happy place. :)

After exAMs! it will be a joy and my heart will be light and free as a butterfly!
So gonna eat my aglio olio pasta, eat my dominos, pierce my ear, cut my hair, watch my movies, buy my clothes, make my accesories, make my sushi, try my best to exercise, go on my roadtrip, eat my chicken rice ball, drive to KL, holiday to UK and of course find my job.
Its gonna be a blASt! can't wait.

"Lord give me strength. To study and to wait."

Wee...i satisfied another craving today. :)
went to Atria and bought myself a CD.
snow patrol's eyes open. Its definitely music to my ears. Literally. lovin' it.

the one who got away.

2006-05-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

currently playing: Rosie Thomas - let myself fall

Exams are near.
Don't get distracted.
18 more days.
and i can dream all i want.
play all i want.
sleep all i want.

no stress. no fear.
This is the final step. The final hurdle. The final straw.

"Do not give up," says the voice inside my head.

procrastinating is my job

2006-04-29T03:14:00.000-07:00

The world is asleep, or at least those people who are in my always-talk-to list are offline. blueaks.

and i'm left here all alone to study.

i've always thought i only thing i was good at was at studying..and getting good grades.
but i don't think that's what i'm good at anymore.
i'm not good with studying. i can't study for more than 10 minutes. I can't study without touching the computer. i can't study in my room because i'll just dose off. i can't study...

i just can't.

and thats not good because my finals are in like 2 weeks.
my trials are next week.

and i've barely started. and even if i have...i can't remember a single thing.

seriously..i'm in deep shit.

my aim for getting a high gpa of 9.5...is so not going to come true if i continue like this.

and its no help that all my friends are done with their exams and off to a wonderful fun holiday without me! Its no help that there are parties i can't attend and movies i can't watch!

so much for being good at studying.

and now...i'm left with nothing.
the thought of not being good at anything.

i'm back to square one.

currently listening: The Fray - look after you

goodnight world.

editted: right after i sent this post...people from my other list starts talking to me! wee...i guess god answered my prayers. i don't know how being online and talking to me is gonna help me study, but at least i'm not alone! hehe- nights again

sneaks you away

2006-04-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

funerals... corpse...tears...sadness...

i seriously don't care.

people die. people live.

Some live longer. some live shorter.

i think i'm evil. i deserve to die. i wish i died sometimes.

like getting shot in the arm, getting shot in the chest..dying a slow and painful death. why? so that i can look around this world and know that the pain i feel will finally end all pain.

but heck..i'm not ready to die.

death...funerals...they suck. why? is it because ur loved one died? well, for some others yes..its a sad sad occasion. For me, yeah, its sad and all...but i don't feel what they feel..i can't. instead them feeling all sappy and sad just makes me pissed off and angry! Going for funerals are a waste of time. especially when i don't feel a need to go and its just out of respect.
Do i love him? well..yes..i think he's nice and all...but do i feel their pain? i don't think so. so yeah, feeling pissed off and angry at a funeral ain't that pleasing to others. especially when i'm giving out those little sweets to people. They look at me with that look which i know they're thinking what an unsympathetic girl...tsktsk...well i'm thinking " thanks for helping, here have a sweet...*throws it in their face*" its a only a thought.

then, you have those family who's all sad and sAD about their loss..and you know they're sad. But they make up all this stupid stupid stories...superstitious even to make them feel better. to make them feel as if all the years of neglecting someone is enough just because they were there to take of him days before he's gone. Right..that makes everything better. right. keep telling yourself that.

i know i'm evil and all..which makes me more pissed at myself..its like seriously...how horrible can i get. i wasn't thought to think that way. Is it a sin? i think so...terrible.

i guess i am kinda sad that he hAd to go especially since i always thought he'd be the one to live till at least a ripe old age of 90 years old. I guess people still surprises you..even near death. Its sad because he was getting well..he was getting better and all..and one day...he's gone. not that i'm any close to him but still...any bitch would also feel something.

when people start saying sorry for your loss..i heard what happened, sorry...hey, how you feeling...well....i don't know what to say.

maybe next time when i really attend a funeral and my heart's there...ask me the question again..and i'll let you know. see if i really have a heart.

************

exam's coming up. in 3 weeks.

i'm not ready..no i'm not. definitely not. especially with family's tragedy at the PERFECT timing and all.

loads of assignments piling up since people like me never know how to arrange my time properly. instead i spend time online..chatting blogging d/ling songs. really waste of time.

people who don't know i have exams and even if they know are no help at all.

freakin out cuz as my dad says " this is your final stepping stone...after getting great results..you can choose anywhere you want..then you can do whatever you want" which is really true..but freaks me out more cuz i didn't get the target i want.

teachers who are no help.

friends who are all in uni and prob have gone through this feeling b4..but they had friends to go through it with them...now they're all rambling about uni exams..and i'm still in college with fear of not being able to enter the uni i want.

people whom i tell i need to study and tells me i'm smart enough and need not study.

and me...whom just keeps talking and talking but never bothers to do anything. The more i talk...the more i freak out. hah...irony in life.

and the moments i want to study..i feel sleepy..the time i really want to study..stuff happens...the time i want to sleep..i want to study.

owell..life goes on. that's what i keep telling myself.

cheers to a crappy yet happy day.

hop hop hop!

2006-03-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

tiring tiring day.

somebody once said, "shopping is evil" and i fear that person is right. haha!

I went to FOS recently and they sold this skirts for RM23.90. SUPER BARGAIN man!

i found this white skirt that i loved. IT was white with a few holes. haha..super nice wei. People like me who don't wear skirt also want to buy, means its damn nice man.
Well, i was gonna buy it when i realise there was an extra hole at a bad place. HAhaa..so i couldn't get it. In the end, i couldn't stop thinking about the skirt.

THe next day, i skipped class to go to ...ahem...
1) the curve
2)Ikano
3)Giant, KJ
4) Mid valley
5) Pyramid....

Yes, 5 places in ...5 hours. HAhaa...crazy right? Waste of time, waste of petrol, waste of money..in the end...no skirt.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, i went to KL today. Which is Time square and sg wang. but ofcourse, my bad luck was still upon me. No skirt.

But instead i came back with my favourite korean drama--- stairway to heaven for RM99.

as he said, shopping IS evil. hahaaa

owell, i'm still not giving up on the skirt. When i'm free i'm going to bangsar village and... putrajaya? hAHAHhahahaah

ps: thanks to vian for being my faithful skirt finding partner! hAHa..muakz
**************

By the way, i watched underworld 2.
Kate beckinsale is HOT man. Just plain HOT!
The show was cool, gory at the right moments...just perfect.
Although a gory and rather serious movie...we obviously laughed through the movie. hAha...
sorry to those in the same cinema as us.
The way she handled her gun...WAHHHhhhh...

shine

2006-03-23T19:52:00.000-08:00

Shine

Get up, get out, get out, get out and lift your head,
Come on, come on, get up out of bed,
Today's the day you hold the world with your song.

Go now, go now, go now, help escalate.
Angels come down, help with this parade.
To hear your voice ring out,
Come on and shout it,
Let your song be heard.

This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world will stop to watch you shine.

Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now sing your hymn,
This is the new national anthem,
We will all stand on guard to let you be heard.
Let go, let go, let go all that can ask,
How beautiful this world has become,
Now everyone will see what I believe,
That these words should be sung.

This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world will stop to watch you shine.

This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world believes that you will shine.

And if you fall,
And if you fall,
And if you trust and,
Yes it will come true.

Hey, hey
Yeah.

This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
All the world will stop to watch you shine.

This is the time,
This is the day that we've been waiting for,
When all the world will stop to watch you shine.

****
I'm so happy. I've been hearing this song in the radio for a damn long time but the stupid useless dj nvr seem to give the name of this song. Finally today, after searching high and low in the internet i typed the magic words in the search field.
"hey now, hey now + watch me shine lyrics"
and i found it! YAY! BRAVO for the internet! hahaa...

enjoy people.

Shannon Noll - shine.

happily ever after

2006-03-21T01:49:00.000-08:00

To think that "happily ever after" is only found in fairy tales.

Thats not true. Happily ever after exists in this world too. Why do i say that? Because i see many new married couples in church that are so loving and sweet.

My care group leader finally got married on Saturday. It was the greatest and happiest occasion i've ever been to. A marriage is definitely an occasion one must go for. Its so great to see her find someone to be with. To see her walk down the aisle in her beautiful wedding dress, looking gorgeous, walking down to her life as a married woman. To see her smiling yet nervous and excited face under the veil, walking...more like gliding...towards the man of her dreams. It was something so touching, that just seeing her happy, make me cry tears of joy. at least i nearly did. ;)

On that day, i got to put on a cheongsam for the morning ceremony and a green dress for the night's dinner. 2 things i've never ever wore before! I also wore HIGH HIGH heels for at least 10 hours that day and surprisingly my foot didn't hurt!! i love my new green wedges! I served food and at night i ushered! It was great to be involved in my friend's wedding!

Her smiling face was enough to make me so happy. More like THEIR smiling faces. YAMMMM SEEENNGGGG!!! Congrats to you happily married couple. Muaks!

That day made me think of my own wedding. We all talked among ourselves about how our dream wedding would be like. And we talked also about which role we would get in each other's wedding. ;) Now i know i'll definitely be a bridesmaid and probably a wedding coordinator at least once in my life. haha.

My wedding will be the greatest day of my life. It'll be the day all my dreams come true, where my one true love and i will be united. hehe. *dreamy eyes*
The highlight of what we talked about, my dream wedding:
The end we both would get in to this either a mini cooper convertible or some very old school car with those big steering wheels with the roof opened of course. Then, the driver would drive us away leaving us 2 married lovebirds finally away from the crowd. We would then make out in the backseat and be proud to be married! MUahahhahaha!!! (who cares if people see and talk behind our backs about being obscene in public?! thats the whole point! to show off that we're married! haha)

Then, when we reach our new double storey home with a huge front lawn and a nice big fat labrador or golden retriever, my newly wed husband will carry me down from the cute car and whisper in my ears, " i love you honey and the car is yours" MUAHhahahaah...

i not only get a new husband, i get the car of my dreams! hAHAHahah

thats the highlight of my side of the story. HAhahaa....so greedy! hor?

Owell, if i were to list down all my dreams and wishes to be married...i'd go on and on and you'd be bored. HAhaa...after all it is my ambition since i was 5, ithink.

nights human and sleep tight.
Hope your fairytale dream comes true.

the end is near

2006-01-25T22:22:00.000-08:00

ah....i feel as if all i've done for this new year is eat lots and lots of supper and a lot of last minute studying. It has been a very long january and i'm glad its coming to an end.

Friday is the day i'm finally free after a long and dreadful start for the year. looking forward to dressing up, going to malls, buying more necklaces and earrings, browsing through cds and finally watching memoirs of a geisha. can't wait. But before the movie, i have like 4 hours to spare, no where to go and no one i feel like going with.

i think i'll walk around the curve since i won't have much time as it will be CHINESE NEW YEAR!! and it'll be back to melaka and more moremore FOOD! yummy.
i miss my chickenrice ball and sate celup and taiwan noodle and batupahat's famous wantan mee. SLURP!

hope i'll get to gamble this chinese new year. and i hope to collect extra lots of angpau. really looking forward to it. lol.

so, happy chinese new year! and have a merry and prosperous year!

well, i haven't been meeting up with many people. Lots of people i use to see everyday, and suddenly i don't see them for like weeks, months even. wonder how're they doing.....without me. haha.. better than ever i suppose.

mymy, sure hope i get my mood back.

currently listening: beautiful world - colin hay

big and orange

2006-01-15T23:52:00.000-08:00

If i had to choose between daytime and night time. i'll definitely choose night time.

i don't know why, but theres something about the night.
When everything is all dark, you look up the sky and you see a light pouring down on you. you see little blinking stars all around the sky as if they're watching over you.

Unfortunately, stars are rarely seen nowadays. Thank God the moon is still there. I do not even want to imagine night without the moon nor stars.

Yesterday, i was out with vmay and i looked up at the sky and there the moon was. BIG ROUND ORANGE. just hanging there. It looked as if if i were to reach high enough, i'll be able to pluck it from the sky and put it into my mouth. It looked beautiful. i wish i brought my camera with me though. After that, the moon seemed to shrink and turned pearly white all over again.

Everytime i look up at the sky, i'll remember the one night i had real fun in NS. NS was not very memoriable to me. If felt like another phase in life, where after it had passed, you never bother to remember it. BUT that night was different.

I was in the jungle. and we were going to do night tracking which was my favourite. however, that wasn't the thing that made my night. It was when we had to wait for our turn to go into the jungle. So we layed down on the hard tar road looking up at the sky. and the SKY shocked me.

lifting my eye up to the sky. It was as if there were sparkly diamonds all over the sky! The sky was filled with stars. The whole sky was seriously literally FILLED COVERED with stars. millions of shiny beautiful stars. It was definitely a sight not to be missed. While lying there, even with so many people around me, i felt peaceful and truly alone, as if it was just the starry sky and me.
Staring at the sky....a shooting star passed by and silly ol' me decided to make a wish. I wished that i said goodbye to my dear dog Happy (who that time just passed away) before i left for NS because now i'll nvr be able to do it and i deeply regret it. Sounds stupid i know but i actually felt a tear in my eye. how dumb and childish of me..but it was at night, no one could see. :)
Then, another shooting star passed by..i made a wish too but i can't remember it. lol

I wish i could have been there all night. it was a view i've nvr seen in my life, and it was a view i'll always remember.

That night i was blessed to see not only my 1st shooting star, but 2 of them. It was beautiful. I would give anything to lie down there once again staring up at the dark but shiny sky.

sentimental cry sniff baby

2006-01-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

i'm turning into this little sentimental bitch that cries over every little thing that i find touching.

Little little love, little little break ups, little little misses, little little missed opportunity, little little romance. EVERYTHING!

movies, books, polar bears on animal planet, korean dramas, TV series, animes, my own thoughts! they all made me cry. seriously? Zzz.....

gets me quite annoyed at myself actually! its like.."what happened to the other girl who used to laugh at scary movies and sad scenes??"

i think i'm losing my guts. losing my daringness. losing my eating-chilliness. losing my sense of thrill. losing my fierceness. losing my patience. losing my laughiness. losing my apetite. but gaining more and more weirdnesss everyday.

really, is this what the 2006 - me gonna be like? a soft hearted but not so soft either girl who is a sappy crying sentimental little brat whose thoughts no one will actually be able to decipher and whos' existence were nvr really noticed by anyone.

look on the bright side, i'd finally be the unique one. right....

...imagine in a few years time, will i still even dare to go bungee jumping?

obsessed

2006-01-07T01:01:00.000-08:00

everybody is ranting over watching memoirs of a geisha, when some don't even know its from a book! They're so overly excited over it as if they've loved it all their life. ya, right.

seriously, i think i've an obsession for being different and being unique from everyone else.

memoirs for a geisha was a book i've always wanted long b4 the movie was coming out. it was cool because its the one an only book only i know what it is. BUT now, it has been a book common to all. even the book cover has become so "popularised" by celebrities on its cover!

Then, there is bleach! the one anime i really love! but now its everyone's favourite...

luckily, there are still bands that nobody around me knows..except me! and i guess i'll keep those as a secret to relieve me from the torture of not being unique.

ps: i'm a weirdo!

i'm innocent

2005-12-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

ok..this is crazee weird!

my dad just got a sony portable cd radio player. it looked so much better than my huge ugly lousy cheaplak radio. so i kept like hinting that i wanted it.

i went up to get some cds to test on his new toy. before that, i tried it on my radio to test its sound quality to compare.

then i came down and played it on the new one. lalala..time goes by. dingding..time to study.

i go back upstairs. SUDDENLY, my cd player rosak! like seriously! what are the odds.. i was just using it!! i shout at my dad about it, and he totally ignores me. he thinks i'm kidding. then, he keeps saying that i did it on purpose and that because i want the new one i spoilt it. or else he will say, u wan it i give u lar... as if i'm lying when i'm not!

i'm innocent!!!!

random thoughts.

2005-12-27T00:31:00.000-08:00

exams are soon. sucks

new year is coming. yay

my birthday is coming soon. double yay?

guess it all won't be that fun. cuz i'll be thinking of studying which i should be doing for the past 3 hours. but i wasn't. sucks too.

everybody's got their results. and i have only just begun. double sucks.

everybody has like college friends to hang out with. my college friends are mostly from outstation. at least all the close ones are. sniff

i think i shouldn't spend too much money.

nobody's gonna be here for my birthday.

will new years' eve be fun?

will i get more cds for birthday? or will i get more beady necklace? :) *hint hint*

i just ate maggi mee. can' t sleep. i'm getting fat. not good.

i like guys with small eyes. seriously. why do i not know any cute small eye guy? damn it.

seriously random man.

green christmas

2005-12-26T00:31:00.000-08:00

i guess i miss christmas.

i didn't get to celebrate it last year. not that i realy remember the other years. haha.
maybe that is why every christmas to me is really great.

but seriously. all the time b4 christmas i'll be really worried because i'm never excited and all. but when it really comes, i really feel it and feeling christmasy and shopping for other people is just such a great feeling. i love christmas shopping. and i love the fact that i know why i'm truly happy and why i truly love christmas.

i think this christmas was so cool. i had loads of fun shopping for people's presents. christmas service was super cool!! christmas lunch was fun. christmas eve dinner was great. TABOO is the best game invented! christmas dinner with family was great. wine sucks. christmas gathering with a few of my neighbourhood friends and ming wei was nice.

watching people open presents was super fun. and me opening presents was even more fun. i got 3 cds. yay. and i bought a cd as a christmas present to myself. double yay. i got a beautiful beady necklace from my best friend! thanks! i got the alarm clock with the 2 big bells which i always wanted and a heart shaped ''doorknock" from my extra special friends. i got jam from gab. *winks* and a pretty necklace from my mom.

the best thing was my christmas corner. and its pretty lights!

strangers closest to me

2005-12-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

i am invisible -------check
ignored-------------check
odd one out---------check

people are
materialistic--------check
hypocrite-----------check
selfish--------------check
inconsiderate------check
ignorant-----------check
self centred--------check

people care nothing about the little and pretty things in the world. nothing else matters but their own wants. people think that they know everything but in truth they know too little.
i pity these people.

2005-12-05T23:13:00.000-08:00

song i'm listening to : Vaughan Penn - Ready to Rise

i'm so pissed off with everything here!
I can't wait to go to new zealand and leave everything behind me. Just to see a new world. Get out of this protective bubble. Out into the real world to explore.
To meet new people, whether good or bad. Just to experience something other than normal.
To really be able to express yourself because you know that nobody knows you..and to hopefully find someone who cares and understands.

Gosh..why can't parents understand that if we knew everything we wouldn't ask them anything and we wouldn't rely on them at all. why must they be so...Eesh..

*******
Song i was listening to : Lucero - Nobody's darling.

The night is the longest when you are lying on ur bed trying to sleep. But instead ur head is filled with thoughts and at the same time are empty. The night is really long when you just wish that it'll be morning soon so that you can be free of the torture from a sleepless night. Its also not really comforting with a song that goes you're nobody's darling.

But there are ways to shorten a long night..with friends who would keep you company at 3 am in the morning and with the sound of rain tapping on the window. plus a miraculous orange sky in the middle of the night and dashes of lightning flashing away. :) thanks..and yes it was a beautiful sky.

memories on hold

2005-12-04T23:06:00.000-08:00

listening to: Billy Bragg - must i paint you a picture

i love flashbacks in movies. they're like my favourite part of a movie. they always make me cry. Of course the flashbacks are suppose to be those lovely moments lar. Anyway, i wish some invisible person would like record the best moments in my life, like prom, birthday, christmas or whatever normal day i have. It'll be socool to look back on what i did. Watching all the genuine laughter.. hearing all the lame jokes my friends make. Seeing all the places we've been to. Reminding me that i'll always have a friend. i hope...

i love taking pictures, they're not as cool as videos, but they're close to it.
they're like the only one can do to slow down time. to preserve time. to go back in time.
I guess i love taking pictures recently because i'm starting to learn to treasure somebody and the times we spend together no matter how well i know the person.

If i could get something back, it would be the memories of everything that happened before the age of 13. This is because i cannot remember anything that happened. Not even one. Those that i have i fear that it is actually a dream. So yeah, its freaky..as though i had amnesia. But really..i'd really like to remember it and not let others tell me about it. Because no matter how many times they say it, it doesn't come back to me.

losing your memory could be the worst thing that happen to you.

reality tv

2005-12-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

currently watching : laguna beach (season 1)

i know..its lame and stupid. but in a way its interesting. I really can't believe that those people's lives are real. They're so dramatic and filled with so much conflict and hate and love at the same time.

I was watching this one episode where they were going to their senior prom and their dates would think of the weirdest and cutest way to ask them to prom. I thought that was was so sweet and adorable. Why can't guys here do that? Then, a whole big gang would get into a huge limousine..and party!

Then, in the end...they reminisence on how its gonna be their final prom..and they get all emotional and then all the best friends(in pairs) take photos. It made me think again about how the years is going to end and how they all had a best friend.

i don't know why but i kinda like that series. The guys are hot and truly nice and fun. The girls are classy and fashionable but kinda bimbo-ey..nonetheless, nothing better than checking out their clothes! Plus their life the way they bond(excluding the hating backstabbing part) is the one i wish i had.

2005-12-03T01:04:00.000-08:00

song i'm listening to : something corporate - space

thank god for my room. Its the only time i can think about life..and think about my hopes dreams and regrets. i guess everybody needs their little amount of space. space from parents, space from peers, space from this so very artificial life.

a space to breathe...a space to sleep.

i guess when lifes all upside down, reading the bible helps.

space for God.

slight pinch of fear

2005-12-01T21:50:00.001-08:00

its funny how easily we forget in the busy life of ours.

it was just a few days ago since i talked about how december is coming..but i did not realise how soon it came. It kinda freaked me out.

December means lots to me. a lot a lot alot. It also means the end of the year.
Sometimes i wish time would past as soon as possible. but when it comes to december..i wish it to go slower.

Slower..Slower..
Slow enough for me to take it all in.
Slow enough for me to capture it in my memory.
Everyday..every moment..
in fear of time passing by..
in fear of what would come by in the new year.
in fear of changes..

However december isn't always what it should be.

listening to: freakwater - gravity

happy birthday to you..

so here we are

2005-11-29T21:36:00.000-08:00

in a few more days, december will come knocking on the door. and not long after that, it'll be christmas, my birthday and finally a new year.

i used to sit around waiting for december as it is my favourite month of the year. but i guess when u grow older u don't really want december to come because it means a new year...filled with new happenings, new endings, new changes. The year is always not what you expect it to be. there are happy times and sad times. As for me..regret, for i wish i had spent it doing something i always wished to do. but as usual. i nvr dared.

when comes the new year...many will be flying away..many proceed to university. whereas me i'll be left behind in college. its funny how when u always want something, when you get it, it doesn't seem all that nice anymore.

will i see more changes? in others? quietly in me?

December---the month of the festive season...the month of celebrating life!

Just a tiny speck...

2005-11-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

i can't believe JAY CHOU was in 1u...
free performance! free live music! free Jay!

but all i could see was a tiny little person...waving his hand...but singing a beautiful tune. lala...i lurve his songs *hmm*
Well, we had nothing to do, so we went to a 'balcony like place' at 1u to wait for jay. Actually only i wanted to see him. haha...sorry guys! *bleh* anyway, we waited since 7pm because he was scheduled to be there at 7pm. BUT, as people are always late, the thing only started at 7.45pm and that was only the MC on stage! She talked so much obvious crap that i wanted to shoot her down.
She kept asking "ni men zhui ai de ren shi shui ah?!"
then, the crowd would go "ZHOU JIE LUN!"
so many times lar she ask. damn geram!

anyway, was hoping to get a clear shot of him and just a glimpse of him then i would be satisfied. But, people are always greedy. You give them an inch they want a mile. So, i listened a while. Tried to snap shots of him but it all failed. *haha... then i reluctantly turned my back and walked away. *sniffsniff*

then we ate at Bar.B.Q plaza. very yummy! and i was a cook for a short little while :)
*slurp*

ps/: Mr Potty was fully booked again.

pps/: i wanna watch jay chou!!!!!

ppps/!!!: oyah! then i came home and i told my daddy bout jay coming to 1u and about how i could only see a tiny person. and he was like, that day u took mommy binoculars what...so can see mar. THEN I"M LIKE>>OMG!!!! the binoculars. *shoot* o well..life sucks! i know!

unsaved data

2005-11-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

my daddy sent my laptop to fix without my consent and knowledge. i told him to tell me because the price was a crazee amount of RM1600. With that amount i can buy half a new laptop...and a better one too..geez..

anyway..now i'm freakin scared that all my data, especially my pictures...all my photos!! my mini projects and definitely my one tree hill music collection! if it gets wiped out im' gonna cry for a long long time.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!!

muHAHahaa...!

2005-11-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

ANIME! ANIME! ANIME!

HAGANE no RENKINJUTSUSHI aka. FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST

today : 2pm - 8pm ..... still wanna watch..but got to study for test tomorrow. bleh!

love my daily dose of animes! *muakz*

why must the people i like have to die! *sniff*

***************

Its really funny to see how my dad gets so freaked out and irritated when i'm watching my anime or FRIENDS or any show that makes me laugh. lol.
because i laugh and laugh and laugh and when i look at him i laugh summore. Even when the show ends i still laugh. Prob because my dad don usually get the jokes.

I laugh so loud and so irritatingly irritating that he looks at me with the kind of irritated freaked out face because he sees me laughing non-stop.
and he'd say to me :

"what happen to you ler... laugh for no reason"

then i'd stare back at him and

LAUGH again.

mUAHHAhahAHAHAhaahah...!!

fun-filled weekend

2005-11-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

"watching harry potter ar?"

"er..no....i'm watching.......chicken little...*looks away embarassedly*"

thats how some people felt when i asked them to watch chicken little. bleh... they, actually everybody thought it was a lame, stupid, childish movie. But hey, things can surprised you! those certain people did have fun anyway..RIGHT! it was darn funny. i laughed the moment i stepped in remembering all my friend's "pei" faces, which is like late 20 min. laughed and laughed and laughed till i couldn't breathe! seriously damn tired after the show... like kena asthma..like run marathon man.

FUNNY!

love rainy weekends. when the sky is dark and gloomy, the streets are wet and you're exceptionally perky. celebrated 2 of my longlong friends birthday! hAPPY BIRTHDAY to you 2.

We went to HONEY BEE..finally. i love that place. ate yummy banana LO. Wanted to sit in the car so badly...but kinda gay for a guy to sit in it right? made alot of noise. ALOT! as usual lar...*winkz*

Then saturday, wore my gypsy skirt*finally*...so hard to walk..summore must walk upstairs. can fall down man. Luckily nvr wear high high heels. Then, tragedy on fun filled weekend ---no good no good *dame desu* went korean steamboat in hartamas called 'HAN GOOK..something'. THAT LADY SUCKS! two face b*tch. HMPH! spoiled the mood. So, we went back to the always satisfying place ----SOULED OUT. Felt so grand when i gave my car keys to the car jockey. ate yummy mac and cheese and drank delicious pussy foot. *slurpz* We got our usual place...the 'VIP' sofa and personal plasma tv that we nvr watch. There were adorable, hyperactive, loud, cute kuai lo kidz.. they were our main attraction. took photos with them. super CUTEE..i want one! They all bashed vianz too :)

Man, i love birthdays..the smiles on people faces, knowing that they are now legal for nearly everything. Birthdays - time to celebrate life! time to gather your friends and have a blast! HAppy biRTHday girl!

Scream, shout, clap your hands!

2005-11-17T16:25:00.000-08:00

Oo mymy...
YES..today i am a HAPPY hAPPY girl!

i feel like screaming! i feel like dancing.. i feel like hugging and kissing somebody. So, Casey the dog shall be my victim!

Finally, after waiting for so long.. it has came! it has arrived! More than i expected! and on right timing.

Was just talking and complaining about it in class..and suddenly my friend shouts on the phone. "ITS HERE"

and joy was in the air...smiles upon each of our faces..laughter filled the studious atmosphere.

Yes..its true, i am RM2000 richer!
CDs, DVDs, bag, necklaces HERE I COME!!! muhAhahahahahAHHAh *evil grin*

:)

doing something different is not the same as doing something you like

2005-11-16T23:24:00.000-08:00

Blogging...it has a funny yet catchy sound to it.

Blogging is probably the most IN thing now, i might say. Everybody's doing it, girls and guys included. So why am i doing it when it is such a common thing now.

Actually, i hate it. I find it stupid and dumb to write all your thoughts and feelings and happenings in a website where everybody can read it. So, why again am i doing it? I guess i always wanted to do it.*rolls eye*(such a hypocrite, but isn't everybody?) But its because everybody does it so i hesitated in doing it. I think i like being different from others. Like how i like green because nobody like it and somehow i got really hooked to it and how i used to like Frodo because everybody likes Legolas.

In my opinion, it is so much easier and interesting to type out your thoughts instead of writing your thoughts. The bad thing is people can read it. But i guess its nice for people to read about ur life instead of telling them. Other than that, for me its a much more personal thing and an interest. Since i always liked writing but am not much of a writer, i guess this is the closest chance i have to becoming a "writer" Here i am a writer of my own thoughts and feelings. *yay*

If i had a chance to build a computer program thingie, i'll make a program, something like photoshop or picasa, but is more like a virtual diary. Where you can put different backgrounds, different fonts, where the pages flips by themselves, with different kinds of booklet patterns such as scrolls, A4 paper, Frames or whatever! Pictures, videoclips, audio clips and your own story all in one. It'll be perfect. AND it can be saved and then burnt into a cd. Then, you can type all your thoughts all your deepest and darkest secrets instead of writing them and save them and look back at your 'finest work'. The difference is, its personal and nobody can see it.

One things for sure it is so much neater and much more convenient. Everything is just a click away. My handwriting SUCKS so maybe thats why i don really like writing stuff. It kinda messes up the way i wanna present it. Other than that, i can use the computer and i love typing. Love the sound it makes when you type a letter. The *clickclickclick* sound is the sound i MUST hear everyday if not i'll feel as though my day is not complete. Maybe thats why i have thought of becoming a secretary. All day long, type type type...my perfect job.

so blogging, i don't do it because people do it. I do it because i guess i'm bored and i have nothing to do. I have too much time which leads to TOO much thinking and then probably a tingle of sadness. Then to release it....

a magical fairy tale

2005-11-16T22:52:00.000-08:00

"maybe if i can touch you, i could wake up from all of this."

or at least that was roughly what she said.

i watched JUST LIKE HEAVEN today in GSC today and ate my favourite caramel popcorn. *so yummy* was actually supposed to watch it alone because all my friends were all having test and exams but then i figured i'd ask my coll friends. When they knew i was going to go without them anyway, they said they'de 'pui' me watch. Man, going out with them was awesome especially when i got to laugh like crazee too!!!(i love it when i laugh loud and crazee) We laughed when buying tickets, we laughed in the toilet (ppl outside could hear us) and we laughed in the cinema together.

Just like heaven was a really sweet movie. Just like a typical fairytale with kinda a twist in it that made you realise that "wao, its fate" and then pieces of everything just fit in purrfectly. It was so sweet how a ghost and a real person can actually connect. It was also kinda funny and kinda sad. Because then you, as a ghost realise how much you have missed in life. The movie also shows you to not center your life around your career or anything else, but to really appreciate life as it is. Get to know people, socialise and treasure every moment you have. It is kinda freaky to think about not having a tomorrow. THERE"S SO MANY THINGS I HAVEN"T DONE!!!!!

However, everything was kinda cliche. I knew what was gonna happen, i knew what they were gonna say, i knew what they were gonna do. As a result of that, i laughed even before they did it which is what i always do btw. It is Funny though, that'll give it a LOT of credit. BUT as the sadistic and high expectation of a girl i am, i thought it should have been a little sadder, then it would have been a GREAT movie. For now i rate it a NICE SWEET ROMANTIC FUNNY movie.

A muddy grey colour

2005-11-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

UselesS
StupiD
AlonE
DumB
OutcasT
PurposelesS
A nobodY
GutlesS
Talent-lesS
General knowledge = 0
Circle of friends = ...
Not importanT
IrritateD
BitchY
Let dowN

This is how i feel now.

Mood: Depressed again

damn those money sucking people!

2005-11-14T22:42:00.000-08:00

Its been 4 days since i last seen my laptop. Not that i love it so much, but it is better than my computer.

I sent the laptop to them on Thursday. Then, i was told that i have to wait 3 days for a call from those HP ppl to hear whats wrong with my laptop. Imagine that 3 days just to see whats wrong with it. So, fine..i wait..wait..and waited.

Finally its monday and it has been 4 days. My dad calls them and they do not pick up the damn phone. He calls again, and they told him that it takes 3 - 5 WORKING DAYS!!
ARGHH!!! So bitchy lar they all..where got ppl take so many days just to check whats wrong with it one!

The worst thing is they charge for DIAGNOSINg whats wrong. They charge a freaking amount of RM 95 just to see whats wrong. Even i can tell them whats wrong. Thats why i sent it to them in the first place, right? Then they say, when they call, you tell them whether you want to fix it or not. If no, the RM95 will still be charged! THATs FREAKIN STUPID!
If there is something wrong with it OBVIOUSLY i wanna fix it right! SO DUMB. SUch a big company making so damn much money, but still wanna cut throat us!

But, nevermind...in order to comfort ourselves, we ate as much and drank as much as we could at the service centre because they did give us free food. :) We sat down there jolly well eating as much as we could.... hehehe...so much for taking our money.HMPH!

I probably won't be getting it back till like 2 weeks LATER! Thats insane@#!##!!!! i can't live that long without it u know! i need my daily dose of anime and teen dramas!

How am i going to survive!!!!

Forget about it!

2005-11-13T22:10:00.000-08:00

argh...sometimes i wish i could just forget about small little petty stuff.

ie. the bag i saw in pyramid when i went for planet shakers! Its a normal nice pretty looking bag, which is GOLD in colour. The shape and size is perfect for a handbag. I really really like it. Fell in love with it. Couldn't buy because then i won't have enough $$$ for the rest of the month. Plus, its gold in colour and its so girlie and kinda bimbo-wy. I won't use it, i won't dare to use it. BUT, Its still stuck in my head. Every night before i go to bed, i think about it. When i go out and i use my bag, i think about it too! sniff..i really hate it when that happens. I need more self control. bleh...

Ironically, stuff that i shouldn't forget easily slips of my mind and somehow no matter how hard i try, i can't remember them. Then, i'll remember trying to remember them and it makes me so irritated and so erm..how to put it ...very "fan".

So, i'm now typing and still trying to remember the thing i was suppose to remember. I guess i'm not going to have a good night sleep. To many things in my head which i wish i can just

FORGET ABOUT IT!

thin crust, thick crust

2005-11-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

Today is a Saturday. If you all do not know, I somehow dislike Saturdays. Probably its because Saturday is the day after Friday (my favourite day) and the day before Sunday [the day before Monday (the day before the week starts all over again)]. Got your mind twisted, didn’t i?

Saturday is the only day I wake up late. Was thinking about nasi lemak in my sleep, and guess what my mom bought nasi lemak for my breakfast, which obviously became my lunch. Haha…
Watch my favourite series – House, his humour and sarcasm rocks! And did my English assignment FINALLY! Then came youth and dinner with Jenna and Kevin.

I was so excited about dinner because I could use my buy one free one domino’s coupon and I could eat my yummy thin crust! However, thanks to my stupidity, I forgot to remind them to buy my thin crust. Kevin however knew that thin crust was way more delicious but did not bother to remind me. So, in the end my dumbness bought me 2 large normal crusted pizzas which I struggled to eat. Me and Kevin left out all the crust. Haha..
The dinner left me so pissed with myself and so unsatisfied. Thus, I shall use up my other coupons before the end of November and this time I’ll eat with my FAMILY and I will personally order it myself! J

Just a while ago, I was shifting a table. I was looking down on the floor. Then, as I was about to lift up my head, I have no idea how I did this, but I somehow knocked down my glasses and hit my nose. Seriously, I think the table is cursed. The last time I was using the table and I was looking at my com and I somehow just banged face (above the chin a little) real hard.

“One is lonely, Two is just right, Three is a crowd”

I think its true. This is because two is a pair and a pair can’t live without each other but three is an odd number. For example, a married couple is made up of 2 people (regardless of the sex, hehe…). If one more were to be added to that couple, the marriage will go bad.

Think about it. How does one feel left out? Does everybody feel left out? Is it true that the most sporting and most outgoing girl never feels left out? In my opinion, I think that’s bullshit. Everybody feels left out at a certain point in their life, just some more than usual. It takes personal effort to feel not left out and its up the you to feel the way you want to. For example, you’re alone in the biggest party of the year and you don’t click with the popular gang, you can either choose to sit alone quietly in the corner of the room with the geeks or you can choose to talk to those geeks you’re sitting with. But then again, I guess everybody gets tired of making the first move. Life’s like that.

When one is in a crowd of 3,
It is very important
1) for everybody to know what you are talking about. Make sure to make known to everybody what you are talking about. Don’t just talk to one person. Get the person into your conversation. Explain so that they get an idea lah!
2) To make eye contact with each and every one of the 2 people. People can feel very left out when the person talking do not look at them. This makes people feel as if they are ignored.
3) For you to make jokes that are known to everybody, so that everybody can laugh together. If not at least have the courtesy to tell the rest why you all are laughing. Laughing TOGETHER the longer the better, the louder the best!
4) To not tell secrets when you do not want the other person to here. It will just make the person feel really bad and insulted at times.
5) To know and make sure you talk to the person you called out. Never leave the person you invited alone and never leave that person out of the conversation. Thats the worse thing anybody can do to anybody. Even if he/she doesn’t know your other partner. Especially when you are with your special someone, be sure to talk to your other “lamppost friend”, if not don’t call the person at all. Never ever bring your friend out and then ignore them because you are talking to that someone but when asked you say he is just a friend.

There is more in my list.

Each time someone leaves me out of a conversation--especially, it makes me not want to go out with them anymore. Until of cause a certain amount of time has passed and I figure I’ll give it another shot, but then again I was too naïve to believe that things would change. Because they never do.

-end-

my God

2005-11-12T01:01:00.000-08:00

it is now 0043 hours and i am still in front of the box. Been here since 1730 hours, so common sense tells you i've been here a long time. :)

OK. so its really late now, but i don want to sleep. i don't know why.

so lets me just crap.

lately, i've been reading a book called Sophie's world. to me, its really an interesting book which makes you think and it kinda teaches you history in a fun and interesting manner. Well, the book talks about a little girl who gets strange letters from this mysterious philosophy teacher. Besides that, weird letters and stuff to this weird girl is also sent to her house. So, the adventure begins where she learns about philosophy, the world and much more.

One topic they talk about in the book is how philosophers believe that everything has to come from something. I too believe so. lets say if the big tree comes from the small tree, the small tree probably comes from a smaller tree, and that smaller tree is made up of atoms and subatoms...eventually the problem will lie on who made the small atoms and subatoms. How and who or What? So, i guess finally to satisfy urself u just make up a conclusion that says "something must have come from nothing".

As a christian, i believe that God is the maker of heaven and earth. He made every part of nature and every part of US. He even knows how many hairs we have on our heads. which also means that GOD was already here. No body made God. God is the ultimate one.

How can somebody believe something so vague and so abstract with no solid fact?
How come i be so confident when somebody ask me, who made the world? the only thing that crosses my mind is God and nobody else. Thus, it all comes down to faith and believe.

I think that is how everybody lives their lives, or at least most of them do. With faith and hope that something good will happen. With faith and hope that they will find the reason to live. With faith and hope that they will find THE reason they live. Faith and hope comes hand in hand. With faith comes hope...without faith, you won't hope for long.

There are times when i start to wonder why i chose to believe in my God. Is it because people say so? Is it because my parents believe so? or is it because my friends think so?
Then i remember why. Its because i myself chose to believe so. Therefore i have faith in HIM and i hope to see his second coming. :)

so i guess we should always have faith and hope for the best.

get the picture?

a nasi kandar experience

2005-11-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

Woa, today is the first time i've ever had the mood to go "jogging" in kiara. note the inverted """. haha. Anyway, we reached that place at 8.45am. We started walking, each one listening to their very own APPLE ipods*winks* and all of a sudden, it starts to drizzle. Of all days, today!

owell, so we went back and went off to KAYu for breakfast. So much for losing weight.

I figured i'd eat nasi lemak, but it was sold out. SO , i decided to eat roti planta. THEN, i decided to eat nasi KANDAR. Since i've never ordered nasi kandar before, i was super blur!
the person asked me whether i wanted white rice or nsi briyanni and i chose the latter. The guy told me something about it having a chicken and i just nodded as if i knew what he was talking about. hehe...then later i chose another piece of chicken and the guy gave me a weird look and i was like so happy.."yaya, chicken please!" Then, i figured i'd check out the price and guess what he told me!..

"ini nasi semua RM10.50."

i was like...WHAT THE HECK..DAMN EXPENSIVE..AHHHHHHHHHh!!!

haihz..eat also eat till not 'song'..summore damn alot!
my and my greedy self. Should have just stuck with roti planta. save RM9 ...cheh!

the renewed blogging spirit

2005-11-11T20:47:00.000-08:00

gosh, i think i suck at blogging.

which some ppl think its really easy. darn it.

anyway, i made this blog like months and months ago. but i really hated my blogskin. Plus, i had no idea how all the HTml stuff works and still don't. So, i kinda neglected it for a lonG time.

however, i guess i got bored and i'm back now with a new skin and all. i spent 3 freakin hours on the darn worn out sucky computer (my not so "chun" laptop is now in service thanks to my stupidity) and all i could find that was ok looking is this blogskin. Darn it man, i guess it'll do for now. bleh.

Seriously, i think somebody needs to teach me how to do this html ...blabla stuff. because reading the help sections do not help at all. o well...

anyway, back to my laptop. I left the power supply on and i jolly jolly went off to stay in the hostel for like 4 days. Then, i came home looking forward to watching one tree hill and all on my laptop, and i find out that my USB port is busted, probably got stiked by lightning. anyway, so i had to send it the HP centre to fix and they friggin charge super expensive man. RM95 for like consultation ONLY. the fixing part is not even included. Gosh, i wish i could just fix it myself. hAihz.... BUT, the centre had like free coffee and free kuih muih. So, since they charge us SO much for fixing juST a USB port, me and my dad sat there and ate and drink till we were full before we went home :) *yummy* i guess we just wanted our money's worth hor..?!

I'm so bored now...really darn bored. my class got canceled last minute, i'm not at planet shakers, i'm broke for the week*** and i have no more DVDs to watch!